Why did I start this blog?

Today on a PBS TV show there was a guy Scott Stossel who wrote a book about his anxiety. Anyway I usually don't watch that particular show Charlie Rose, but the topic caught my attention. I just recently discovered that all my "problems" were anxiety, so I was curious.  After I watched the program I immediately knew that I wanted to keep track of my struggles and triumphs with anxiety so I can look for patterns to gain insights into myself and to let people know they are not alone. I think this guy was on the right track, he mentioned getting rid of the stigma and shame surrounding anxiety.  I think raising awareness will help with that.

So today I was really stressed, here is why.  One, we just got a puppy about 10 days ago and he has been sick ever since. He hasn't been making any progress so we took him back to the vet and he had to stay the night for observation.  Two, the 2 oldest boys are not happy in their new school. Naturally they miss their own school. And three, my youngest son felt the need to bang on everything and make every kind of mouth noise he could think of. Hubby came home and was in his own world as usual so no help there. I  was tired from waking up 2 nights in a row and losing sleep. So long story short mama is not a happy camper.
When my stress levels are at an all time high like this I crack. Or maybe a better description is erupt like a volcano of emotions.  So I yell and I hate that I yell. I want to be that loving mom who is perfect to her children but it just isn't that way. Well I finally got through bed time routine with no help from you know who.
Then I take a shower to de stress. It gives me time to think. And this is what happens.  Seeing myself I get depressed that I weigh a bit more than I want.  I need to stay up a little late because I'm sick of waking up in the middle of the night. But I'm tired and want to sleep. I hate sleeping with wet hair! My hands are really dry and I can't put enough lotion on to save my soul. Why are my hands so dry you ask? Because I'm a germaphob and I wash my hands a million times a day. Why am I afraid of germs? I HATE throwing up.