Shower

A shower makes me feel better.  If I go shopping or out to eat I feel the need to shower when I get home.  Sometimes I'm okay if I only go to one place. But if I go to more than one then I definitely feel icky until I go take a shower.

Retail therapy is great until the bill comes.
I have been over eating so much lately.  Like tonight we did go to IHOP and I got the all you can eat pancakes thing. Miserable.  If I didn't hate throwing up so much I probably would because I am so disgusted with myself!
I decided to try that fruit and vegetables diet. I have to go get the stuff for it tomorrow. 
I need to put my treadmill somewhere I will use it more. It is currently in the lower level finished basement.  I hate going down there!!! Maybe I should just move the kitchen down there! Problems solved.

Everything is pissing me off today.

My puppy was admitted to the vet yesterday because he won't eat. I called them today to see when I could bring him home. He still isn't eating.  :'(
I hate cold weather. It is snow sleeting today and the roads got super slick quick. My youngest son got out of the car and said mom it is dropping stars on me!
My oldest went to his first birthday party at a friends house. The kid is turning 10 if that tells you how over protective I am.
I'm dreading my middle sons father coming to pick him up for visitation because of the weather.  He lives 1/2 an hour away down the highway.  I hate when the bad weather hits on his dad's weekend. 
We'll hubby is home I need to get off here. I want IHOP for dinner!

Why did I start this blog?

Today on a PBS TV show there was a guy Scott Stossel who wrote a book about his anxiety. Anyway I usually don't watch that particular show Charlie Rose, but the topic caught my attention. I just recently discovered that all my "problems" were anxiety, so I was curious.  After I watched the program I immediately knew that I wanted to keep track of my struggles and triumphs with anxiety so I can look for patterns to gain insights into myself and to let people know they are not alone. I think this guy was on the right track, he mentioned getting rid of the stigma and shame surrounding anxiety.  I think raising awareness will help with that.

So today I was really stressed, here is why.  One, we just got a puppy about 10 days ago and he has been sick ever since. He hasn't been making any progress so we took him back to the vet and he had to stay the night for observation.  Two, the 2 oldest boys are not happy in their new school. Naturally they miss their own school. And three, my youngest son felt the need to bang on everything and make every kind of mouth noise he could think of. Hubby came home and was in his own world as usual so no help there. I  was tired from waking up 2 nights in a row and losing sleep. So long story short mama is not a happy camper.
When my stress levels are at an all time high like this I crack. Or maybe a better description is erupt like a volcano of emotions.  So I yell and I hate that I yell. I want to be that loving mom who is perfect to her children but it just isn't that way. Well I finally got through bed time routine with no help from you know who.
Then I take a shower to de stress. It gives me time to think. And this is what happens.  Seeing myself I get depressed that I weigh a bit more than I want.  I need to stay up a little late because I'm sick of waking up in the middle of the night. But I'm tired and want to sleep. I hate sleeping with wet hair! My hands are really dry and I can't put enough lotion on to save my soul. Why are my hands so dry you ask? Because I'm a germaphob and I wash my hands a million times a day. Why am I afraid of germs? I HATE throwing up.

What's in store.

So how did this all begin? When did I realize that I had anxiety? How does it affect my life? Do my kids have it? Did my parents have it? What are some of my most embarrassing anxiety fueled moments? How do I cope? What am I afraid of? What is a typical day like? What are some triggers? OCD. ADHD. Depression and everything in between
I am going to explore and answer all of the above questions in this blog and I will also answer some questions from other bloggers.
I will give you my 2 cents so to speak. I want to raise awareness of anxiety issues and hopefully make you laugh a little. I am NOT a doctor or a therapist, just a mom of 3 boys trying to make my way through life and calm the chaos that is my mind. Here we go....